An ahead-of-its-time portrait of a gay man as muse, the Dominican writer Octavio R. Gonzalez. Filmed on VHS in 1997 then re-edited in 2017 as a part of the “Lost Tapes” series. The VHS footage, over time, has become muted and grainy, and the effect is one of a time-capsule into a moment in time.
In the film, the gaze is flipped as the woman director is observing the man, while the man is looking into the mirror. We recall Narcissus’ eye in the water. The mirror serves to transport us as an intimate witness to the transformation of the man through the application and removal of his makeup; the recognition of his own beauty, and back again.
Film lies at the intersection of life: what we observe, who we love and what we privilege in filming it. As a young teenager, I had the opportunity to study and make film from the mid-eighties on through the CAP Communication Arts Program in Maryland from 7th through 12th grades. Before there were Iphones and social media, I filmed my friends and lovers on VHS and Super 8 film. My favorite moments to watch now are those where my camera would catch an intimate view of men in observation of their beauty; their faces, bodies, and their self-image, as in this film, God_my_GODDESS.
Screenings:
2019 LA Center of Photography + LA Freewaves, CA
2019 Grrl Haus Cinema, Berlin, Germany
2019 Everywoman Biennial, New York, NY
2018 Winslow Garage, Silver Lake, LA
2018 KeyHole Gallery, Brooklyn, NY
2018 X Marks the Spot: Women of the New York Studio School
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